Miles To Go Before I Sleep

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

By Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.   

His house is in the village though;   

He will not see me stopping here   

To watch his woods fill up with snow.   

My little horse must think it queer   

To stop without a farmhouse near   

(Poem and image courtesy of poetryfoundation.org)

Between the woods and frozen lake   

The darkest evening of the year.   

He gives his harness bells a shake   

To ask if there is some mistake.   

The only other sound’s the sweep   

Of easy wind and downy flake.   

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,   

But I have promises to keep,   

And miles to go before I sleep,   

And miles to go before I sleep.

I would be the first to admit that most novels that are considered classics, and a good deal of poetry flies right over my head. This poem, written in 1922 (published in 1923) is one that I have long loved and has even more relevance to me today. 

If you know me at all, you know that my husband and I have been fighting (and winning) to get out of debt. Have you ever had a situation where it was one of the hardest things you have ever done, but it was also fun at the same time? That is what this past year has been for us. We are less than two months away from completing our goal of getting out of debt. 

On the long nights where I have worked 16 hours and all I want to do is fall into bed and sleep and then I turn around and push harder. I always repeat the final two lines of Frost's most iconic (to me) poem and that gives me the additional drive to push harder and further along this journey. 

When we started this journey, the idea of being able to save and put $3,000 a month toward debt seemed absolutely impossible. Working more than 40 hours a week seemed too hard. I was always worried about not having enough free time and there were some sacrifices I didn't want to make. I didn't want to get rid of my television and Netflix and Hulu. I didn't want to work on the weekends on top of working throughout the week. I didn't want to face the music, nor the astounding debt that was waiting for me just out of reach. I deferred my student loans for literally years after I graduated because I wasn't read to face reality. I wanted to enjoy the pretty snowy scenery around me as I walked through the snowy woods. I didn't want to put in the work to get to my destination. 

Thanks to my ever patient husband, and one silly little book that literally told me to stop spending excess money and start earning more. Literally, the key to this is HARDWORK. There is no magic. And once I was on board with what needed to be done, I contacted the company that had contracted my student loans and set up a repayment play. It was set up for a 30 year plan. We are going to have it paid in 13 months. We started budgeting and created the plan we needed to get ourselves out of the massive hole we dug ourselves into. 

We can see the light. We can see the end of the tunnel. We can finally see the coming dawn of a new chapter of our lives. And even though as of today we still have miles to go before we sleep, we have our destination, and we are not letting anything stop us. This journey has given us more confidence and a much clearer picture of our future. I'm also really looking forward to finally owning my college degree in full!

Dear Robert Frost, nearly 100 years later you are still inspiring and motiving people like me. You have my deepest gratitude for all of your hard work and your beautiful poetry. 

Unexpected Alteration

Eyes closed, she reached around the side of the bed searching for her phone. Her fingers, half asleep, fumbled with the fully charged iPhone 7. She turned the screen toward her and squinted at the spotlight of a screen. 1:50am. Sighing, she placed the phone back down on the ledge of the bed and rolled over to her other side flinging the blankets off her body. Too hot, she told herself. 

She took herself to the bathroom and then tried to find a comfortable position to fall back asleep in. Hours passed as she moved from one side to the other to her stomach, and then eventually to her back. The first alarm went off.

Her husband woke and started his day off with a ridiculous amount of push ups. She tossed and turned again, remembering that she told him she would get up at five with him. She barely slept and knew he would forgive her. Thirty seven minutes later she finally got up and started her day.

She loved to plan her days, so as she cooked her morning eggs, she went over her specific list one item at a time.

1) Begin work at six and take lunch at noon.
2) Write for your entire 30 minute lunch break.
3) Work until 4:30pm
4) Get ready for your second job.
5) Eat dinner
6) Post your blog. 

The list was simple enough. The list was easily achievable. That is, until the beagle came into the picture at 11:50am. "Hi Mama, look at me! I have a waggy tail and I'm so cute, loooovvveeee me!"

She looked down at her dog, smiled, and scratched the back of her ears. "You're a good girl. I love you."

The beagle's ears perked at her happy owners voice and shook her body even harder in excitement. "Mama, mom, mommy! It's almost time for a walk! Are you ready?"

She smiles at her beagle and scratches under her chin. "Not today sweetheart, mama needs to write."

"Write... oh, you meant walk! We're going on a walk, HORRAY!" the beagle squealed with joy, spun around and then promptly sat at her feet offering her first a shake with her left paw, and then with her right as a thank you for taking her out exploring.

"No waggy tail, not today. I need to work." Her beagle looked up at her with beautifully hopeful eyes and a panting mouth. Guilt flooded her. "Oh fine." She sighed and the beagle began to dance about the room excitedly knowing that she had won. Again. Always.

I find change to be interesting. I, unlike a lot of people, really enjoy change. I enjoy it as long as I can be a part of the planning of the said change. I believe that change represents growth, and growth is important to continue to enrich and better our lives. What I struggle with is last minute changes. It could be anything from having to switch up my list of to do's to accommodate another activity that is more pressing or taking a less than advantageous route while driving.

I am an introvert and it is vital for me to plan my time wisely to make sure that I am receiving enough recharge time in my days. For example, on Sunday's is when all of the grocery shopping, food prep, and weekly household chores get completed. This is also my only day off of both of my jobs. I do my best to be as efficient as possible. Last week, we slept in by an hour and a half and it threw off my rhythm for the day and the few hours I needed of nothingness. I found myself crankier than usual and it was all because I slept in for 90 minutes. But here's the thing. I desperately needed that sleep and it was overall good for me. I allowed that unexpected alteration of my day take over my mood nearly giving up on all of the things I had meant to do.

Funny thing is, I ended up taking maybe an extra 30 minutes to complete all of my tasks AND I still got my recharge time in. It is my plan to start facing these changes as opportunities to become more efficient and using them to better myself instead of allowing them to be roadblocks to ruin my day.

I planned to write for my entire lunch break today and ended up taking Kaylee and Pepper for a walk in absolutely brilliant weather. I got some exercise and they got to pee all over the neighborhood. Classy ladies.

Word of the day for me to meditate on:

Adaptation: 

noun

noun: adaptation; plural noun: adaptations

1. the action or process of adapting 
2. or being adapted.

Rainy Days

Here's how my thirty minute writing session went:

1) Write words.

2) Watch video.

3) Check timer.

4) Start poem.

5) Check timer.

6) What's for dinner?

7) Write another verse.

8) Check timer.

9) Write about what inspired poem.

10) Timer goes off.

My mind had been focusing a lot on the sun and stars lately. At night, from my back deck, I can see into our galaxy, and it is beautiful. This is what came out of those thoughts (in no way is this a complete list, just a few things off of the top of my head):

Sun: Warm sun. Smoldering. Vitamin D. Survival. Ray of Light. Madonna. Cher. Focus. Life. Growth. Warmth. Good. Goodness. Guidance. Creator of shade. Day. Bright. Cheery. Solar. Solar Eclipse. Solar rays. Heat wave. Vibes. 

Moon: Cool. Shadowed. Mysterious. Cheese. Anti-gravity. Darkness. Dark side. Werewolves. Remus Lupin. Harry Potter. Prisoner of Azkaban. I need to read that series again. Howling. Danger. Night. Sneaking. Fear. Reflection of the sun. Lunar. Lunar Eclipse. Cold. Smooth. Craters. Assistant. Love. Romance. Romantic. Tides.

Stars: Billions. Like our sun. Dying. Meteor shower. Shooting star. Twinkle. Glimmer. Glitter in the sky. Guidance. 

Clouds: Soft. Billowy. Pillowy. Dark. Looming. Dangerous. Storm watcher. Storm brewer. Keeper of rain. Instigator. Marshmallows. Reflective. Hidden symbols. 

Rainy Days

© Kay Marie 2019

The greying clouds hang low against the mountain side. 

Weaving in and out of the tree line.

Spread thing, veiled in mystery, they are the secret keepers.

The air is moist and the clouds gather and swell, 

until they are ready to burst.

The anticipation is unbearable, and then,

one tiny droplet of joy quickly followed by another.

Thunder rumbles throughout the valley,

and the earth trembles. 

From inside, a fire crackles within the hearth.

Fat drops splattering against the tin roof.

Both creating ethereal meditative music,

filling my soul with a renewed and sparked energy.

A hope for things to come.

Lightening strikes, revealing the illusion.

I blink and glance out of the window.
Sun comes shining in, bright and intrusive.

Overwhelming.

I turn away and shut my eyes,

praying for my happy place.

My favorite. 

My rainy days.

Earlier today I was reflecting on the walk with my dog Kaylee. The temperature was perfect (for me), the sunshine was glorious, and the breeze was perfect. The only problem: I was missing my favorite weather, the rain. It especially brought back memories of living in Oregon at the base of Mt. Hood. We lived in a tiny town with one traffic light. We were the cliché. If you blink, you miss it. 

I thrive on the peace that nature brings. As much as I hated it as a child, I was really fortunate to grown up on 'the mountain'. I never felt as alive as I would simply sitting down by the river under the bridge, listening to the water than the wind rustling through the trees. Putting my feet in the ice cold Salmon River and soaking up the sun--or how quickly the weather could change. So many times getting stuck under the bridge because of an unexpected rainstorm. 

Those were the days of my youth, and I so desperately hope that they will also be a part of my future.